Le Venin:
une attitude malveillante, une méchanceté, une perfidie

juil
14

Because my work schedule will conflict with my French classes:

Plan A: skip Module 6 but will enroll Module 7 next time
+ I will still have the same set of classmates
+/= I have to do more self-studying. Feasible, because I have done this before. Anyway, I have the ultimate French textbooks to help me improve: The ultimate bilingual dictionary, HarperCollins Robert French Unabridged Dictionary, and the ultimate verb book, Bescherelle, will arrive in weeks.

Plan B: Have a one-on-one class
- it’s expensive
+ the pacing depends on the student

Plan C: Enroll Module 6 and be absent on Thursdays
+ I will have the same set of classmates
- I will pay for the missed classes

Of course, I have not decided yet, but one thing is clear: I have seen the sign that I should not stop.

Sign: A French native would approach me (except for the professor giving a paper in the class, or checking my work).  It would be very unlikely, because I do not live in a French-speaking country and there are few French people here.
Actual event: When I attended the class despite being busy and tired the entire day, my seatmate said « Il a mal à la tête » and the professor approached me to give me a “it is a very good French medicine”. The tablet worked, and so is the sign.

juin
08

mai
04

After successfully implementing my first plans for the year (study French, get out of my previous job and get a new one), I am seriously contemplating about the next one: knowing which masters degree to take (and where, how, etc). It is not just one problem, because it comes with the following factors:

1) Where - I consider the school’s reputation an essential factor. I wanted to prioritize De La Salle University-Manila, my alma mater, but it is far from the office. University of Asia and Pacific is just less than five minutes away from the office, but it is more expensive (additional 80%) and I do not know if their academic reputation is worth leaving my first choice. If I would study at Asian Institute of Management, I might need a scholarship and a big salary raise.

2) Specialization - I know that I would never go back to studying Computer Science or a related geeky field, and I am sure that I want to be in the field of business, to be exposed to the more Humanities-oriented side of life, and to concentrate on transferable skills (e.g., management, communication skills), so I am seriously considering Economics and MBA.

3) Would my target school(s) accept me? - Considering that my transcript is not as impressive as graduate schools would like it to be, my job is not in the field of business, and my college background is almost irrelevant from business-oriented concepts, this is the real issue. I have an excuse (a lame excuse, that is) - my college specialization is “challenging” (up to the point that only few graduated). It may be irrelevant to business concepts, but the analysis and mathematics part should be useful. Anyway, MBA programs accept any four-year degree.

4) The classes might conflict with my French classes. Two big goals are fighting for my time! My work is Tuesday to Saturday, so I cannot transfer the French classes to a Saturday (slower) track.

5) Uncertainties. I am not sure whether I would not go out of the country within the next few years. I have proven that life is very unpredictable, so going out of the country for work (or even for study) is possible.

Despite deeply thinking about the entire situation, I am still contemplating whether I should prepare for GMAT (Graduate Management Admission Test) or instead of DELF (Diplôme d’études en langue française) A1.

If only my work days were Monday to Friday, my life could have been easier: I would transfer the French classes to a weekend (slower) track and dedicate my weeknights to Masters classes. Maybe the best thing that I can do at this point is to make my Mondays as productive as possible (which, even now, I do not know how).

mar
29

As I turned 24, I realized several things. Particularly, that not experiencing life according to plan can be perfectly fine, even better than expected.

I did not anticipate changing jobs twice (even if they are good) on my first year of work, yet that is exactly the same reason why my record has progressed faster than my counterparts. I did not anticipate to be a team leader only after a year of work (technically, ten months), but that is the great part of life’s uncertainties. In fact, I am not the one who suggested that I would be a team leader; the idea was only hinted during my job interview.

During my first week of work, I:
- Compared an issue-tracking system and a bug-tracking system, and earned points from the main office in California.
- Created the guidelines for creating a bug report, and defined the severity levels to help sort bugs
- Conducted interviews to applicants

Additional bonuses:
- Definitely better officemates, personality-wise
- More than twice my previous salary

The improvement of my salary an unexpected event, together with an improvement of the nature of my job. This is just secondary because money cannot directly buy happiness, but admittedly, it can be one of the essential things in life. Without money, implementing my other important plans would be difficult. Life does not (and should not) fully revolve around money, but tuition is needed for education, textbook authors and publishers do not create books for free, and payments are necessary to get high-quality goods and services. Hence, I consider money to be the means to my goals, not the end goal itself.

Instead of being disappointed for not experiencing events exactly according to my expectations, I am feeling satisfied. I am not saying that it is better not to have a plan at all, but considering that my life became better when I tried to stick to the parts of my plan that I consider most important (e.g., studying French, planning to have a masters degree in a completely different field, considering the possibility of working abroad) and adjusted to external forces (i.e., being trapped in a political office environment and having a bitchy officemate, wanting to change fields, having higher goals than many people), my life definitely improved when I also let “the invisible hand” perform the tasks that it ought to do. Anyway, I am not egoistic enough to presume that I can carve the entire earth alone.

My life is still in the right track despite some minor changes (i.e., graduating a year late, changing jobs, shifting career goals), so in the end, my life might eventually turn out according to the way I visualized my future self years ago, after all. Hence, if ever I will have to step forward to any direction, I know that I should not be too afraid about making the first step.

mar
07

Enrolling French at Alliance Française de Manille for one ’session’ is already a big story; I do not know where to start even if it was only eight weeks.

I like the idea of trying new things, pushing the limits to the next level. Skipping several modules of French without prior exposure and academic background is a big adventure. I took the placement exam last December and attended the first day last January without knowing anyone at all.

Having mixed feelings is an integral part of a true adventure. I initially felt nervousness because it was my first time to hear everyone around me talking in French, and I am required to talk in French for the first time and to reply appropriately. Naturally, I was worried that I am already left behind in their lessons, yet I still opened my vulnerable self to potentially humiliating myself in front of other people (or worse, strangers). I was also worried that my mom might discover that I am spending on tuition instead of saving them. She still does not know this (or so I hope), but she might have some idea. This factor adds to the adventure.

Having different backgrounds (e.g., law, business, IT, tourism, international relations), different countries, and different reasons for studying French (has a French husband, has a French girlfriend, for the love of the French cuisine, for no particular reason), the class can be as diverse as the movie L’Auberge Espagnol. Despite those differences, friendships have been developed because in the end, we are like-minded in other ways. It feels like I have known them for a long time. Because there are a lot of topics that can promote human bonding to the class, it feels like experiencing the good parts of High School and College again. Every after class, I would go out with some of my classmates for dinner, that is why I usually go home very late, but my mom does not seem to be suspicious about it.

The main feedback of the students about the teacher is that his method of intimidation is so effective that the students would definitely be forced to study. Even if he seems less friendly on the surface, he is unexpectedly friendly. We can casually chat with him about anything outside class hours about anything, including: He wants to teach forever (I was inspired when he said “you would not notice the time passing by if you love what you are doing”). He likes the idea of talking to people, instilling fear on the students (I am a victim) and imposing high standards.

While I was eating at an Italian restaurant with a classmate and the teacher an hour before the last meeting for that module. While I was away from the table for some minutes and busy answering a phone call, the teacher mentioned that I really have what it takes to take the next module. It feels good to hear from a brutally frank teacher.

Getting the lessons is what I have been wanting to do since last year. My module should be just a review because I know many of the lessons already, but I learned a lot of new things along the way, and it increased my confidence through practice. I was only after the lessons, so I did not expect to get more than what I wished for. The entire experience did not feel like it all happened in eight weeks. I am still a basic speaker, but I feet that my knowledge has truly increased one more step. Enrolling a module of French in media res is worth the risk, indeed.

The best way to celebrate the last day is to eat together at a French restaurant. After the class, we (including the teacher) had a dinner at Cuillére (I prefer being busy chewing over smiling):

Endless words are not enough to summarize the experience. It is a sad reality that students get fewer and fewer as the modules become higher. Some classmates stopped halfway in the module, Vicky and Luis would not enroll next session, Remy would go back to India then study at New York University, Ryan would work in the US months from now, Kat would transfer to the weekend schedule, Thelma would not continue after two modules, and I am not yet sure whether I would continue studying this next session because I need more money and I must fix other things in my life too.

fév
28

David Archuleta

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Dan Byrd

Aaron Ashmore

http://www.comicscontinuum.com/stories/0705/17/ashmoreth.jpg

JC Cuadrado

AND the classic choice, Tom Taus

But comparing them against each other, I don’t even know where to start!

fév
21

Despite always wanting to appear the strong one between the two, I am shamelessly allowing the unexpected cycle to enter my life and disturb my mind all over again. Opening oneself to another vulnerability should not be as easy as this, after a lot of self-convincing that the situation — or the person — is not worth the time anymore. Yet, even though this is difficult to admit, I secretly want to have more, to feel more, to be more, with this person.

It is sometimes tempting to express how someone is missed but my innate pride left this part unsaid — perfectly achieved by purposely looking away when being stared at and removing my hand instead of letting it be touched for a longer time. I do not want to give the wrong impression that my existence almost depends on a specific person only.

After some rationalization, I realized that I might just be enjoying the idea that a person whom I highly consider to be important through a lot of things (even in profession, academics, and personal power) want to consider me important for nothing in particular.

I must go out more, as soon as possible — with a different person, that is.

fév
15

While the rest of the world was on a date, I was having French lessons and exams. Right after the nosebleed-inducing experience, we suddenly decided to go to Cuillère.

The setting reminds me of Les Deux Moulins (from the movie Le Fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain), a café in Rue Lepic, Montmarte, Paris.

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The food is expensive as expected, but for me, it is worth the money.

fév
08

If there is something that I would like to change about my own mother, it is her being nosy. (Years ago, she was even listening to the first few parts of a conference call that I received!)

I used to keep the letters that I receive in a small box under my bed, then transferred them to a big clear book and kept it at the bottom of my clothes, because I kept on receiving more letters and I want them to be organized.

When I thought I have too much clothes to hide the collection, my mom suddenly transferred all of them to a bigger cabinet, with the unexpected loss of the precious letters. Considering her I-should-know-everything mentality, I am sure that she placed the letters somewhere else. I even know that she had read the love letters of my brother!

The first thing that came to my mind was to ask her personally, but the scenario that I imagined is not good:

Me: Where are my gazillion letters? *raising eyebrows
Mom: Which letters are you talking about? The one from [friend #1] who talks about [sensitive topic #1], or the… (and the list goes on) ? And as far as I remember, there is also a condom there. *raising eyebrows, higher than mine
Me: But it’s an unused condom! But [sensitive topic #1] is none of your business! But… *faints

At least nobody will ever see the melodramatic and desperate letters. I had thrown those “love letters” away not because they are from the past, but mostly because I am worried that someone else in the house would see them.

The ones I collected are just from my friends, mostly high school and college friends, but the set of topics is very diverge. Cheesy things that we considered interesting way back then, about common friends, some fiction that would sound completely nonsense to the people outside that certain circle of friends, inside jokes that are open to misinterpretations, even references to green jokes. Those are definitely not the topics that I would like to share to my own mother.

The letters are far from the usual inspirational books, but it reminds me that I inspire so many people and they look up to me, and I have shared a lot of happy days with a lot of people. With the advent of blogging nowadays and the efficiency of e-mail, I would most probably not receive these kinds of letters anymore (or not that way at least). I usually read the letters all over again when I need inspiration, so I miss them.

fév
06

J’ai sorti mon bloc-notes, http://s7even.tabulas.com (oui, c’est en anglais). Alors, voila mon nouveau bloc-notes. J’espere que ce changera tout, compri ma perspective dans la vie. Pour mes amis qui sont anglophones et ne parlent pas la belle langue française, pardonnez-moi si c’est en français en ce moment. Ne vous inquiétez pas, je n’oublierai jamais de parler anglais et tagalog.

[Hello everybody! I left my blog, http://s7even.tabulas.com (yes, it's in English). So here is my new blog. I hope that this will change everything, including my perspective in life. For my friends who are English-speaking and do not speak the beautiful French language, sorry if it is in French at the moment. Do not worry, I will never forget how to speak English and Tagalog.]