Reality, please slap me

Despite always wanting to appear the strong one between the two, I am shamelessly allowing the unexpected cycle to enter my life and disturb my mind all over again. Opening oneself to another vulnerability should not be as easy as this, after a lot of self-convincing that the situation — or the person — is not worth the time anymore. Yet, even though this is difficult to admit, I secretly want to have more, to feel more, to be more, with this person.

It is sometimes tempting to express how someone is missed but my innate pride left this part unsaid — perfectly achieved by purposely looking away when being stared at and removing my hand instead of letting it be touched for a longer time. I do not want to give the wrong impression that my existence almost depends on a specific person only.

After some rationalization, I realized that I might just be enjoying the idea that a person whom I highly consider to be important through a lot of things (even in profession, academics, and personal power) want to consider me important for nothing in particular.

I must go out more, as soon as possible — with a different person, that is.